Posts Tagged ‘Life’

A while back, I found an article on Pick The Brain called “Why No Response Doesn’t Mean Not Interested” that I fell in love with. I hate the site, I hate any site that purports to be for self-improvement and then whores itself out (it’s very distrusting).. but there was one thing of interest in a bullet point:

The person who assumes nobody wants to talk with him because he sits quietly in a corner during a party.

Obviously that’s not a sentence but that’s not the point.

The point is, unless you try, most people will (annoyingly) not know that you want to try or you want to be noticed. People LIKE you. People WANT to be around you. But they can’t if you don’t look like you want them.

Just because they don’t talk to you doesn’t mean they don’t want to talk to you. They may not have noticed you, or may not have had time to chat. If they’ve talked to you before, nothing’s changed. There’s no reason to worry that they hate you because of a couple instances of appearing ignored. Most won’t even think about it past that 5-second period. That’s a good thing because it means they’re not caring about your perhaps awkward appearance.

This is a tall order for me to overcome, personally. I’ve been relying too much on that “other-confidence” because I don’t have enough self-confidence. There’s the rub..and irony. If you want to get more friends you need to be confident but for me it’s hard to be confident without my friends’ shoulders to stand on.

Why am I writing about this? Well, today was a strange day. People actually talked to me. Yes me. Even talking to the people I always do, it felt different..like I was a freer person.

I hope this is a good sign.

Remember kids, don’t be a weenie! Or at least be a good one, with chili, and cheese..yum.


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*beep beep beep* Teenage Thunderstorm Warning: The National Weather Service has issued a Severe Teenstorm Warning effective until the end of this entry for the following areas: Everywhere. Teenage rants can produce hellstorms; please be alert to violent emotional showers forecast for the rest of the evening. Gusts of sighing in excess of 50 mph are also possible. Remember to stay indoors away from all windows…

Yes technically with the original spelling of Perestroika it should be ‘ika’ and not ‘kia’ but it sounds far better than the first.

Anyway, where does one draw the line between self-confidence and boisterous egotism? It’s like trying to draw the line with chalk when it’s raining outside.

I’ve had many a problem with this. I’m shy and very introverted. Everybody says “You’re a great person/writer/thinker! Be confident!” but I’m worried I won’t know when to stop. I feel much safer and secure about my decisions when I’m indecisive with myself. That way, people can’t see me for any worse nor can they claim I’m trying to build myself over top of them.

But of course this causes a lot of pain too. If I don’t put myself out there enough, nobody will ever give me a chance. If I’m not confident enough, I’ll come off as a weenie with extra mustard.

This is not to say I don’t feel any pride at all. As a matter of fact I have a multitude of things to be grateful for and happy about. It’s just that people always see them in the wrong way; or rather, I project them the wrong way.

I will admit to being jealous of other people. For instance, one of my friends can write news-quality professional articles in 5 minutes but it takes me a day to squeak out something that isn’t totally informal. He’s great at everything, I’m…not. I suck at everything he can do, and every time I see an advancement I’m happy for him but depressed for me because that’s one more thing in life I suck at.

I’ve had more than once where I’ve envied popularity as well. I don’t really wanna be popular, I just want to not be in the background only known as ‘the smart one smartass’. What’s really awkward is(are?) my…sporty friends. See, to me jocks are the picture of popularity. I know I shouldn’t try to change to be like them but I don’t feel right being myself around them. They like me for who I am, so why am I worrying?

Point (for those of you looking for one): How can I be confident without being too confident? I’ve always been one to overdo stuff, good or bad.

Ok, I know this is mostly a tech blog.. but I need a place to rant.

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Whelp, I’m nervous

School starts in 5 days and it is driving me crazy, not that you wanted to know that.

I could go on and on telling you my agoraphobia story and how it’s ruined 6 years of my life but noone wants to hear that do you? I’ve talked about it so much I have a boilerplate file with my story in it actually. That way it’s easier for me to explain it when people ask, I just copypasta it.

I’m just scared of acceptance really. And having to deal with all the “playa-hataz” etc. Science only knows I’ve been pummelled for trying to fit in too much before. Oh well despite that I feel prepared and a bit excited.

I wish I had guts.

In other news, ED still needs donations so pls get yo wallet out and yo money in.

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