Posts Tagged ‘agoraphobia’

There’s not really a reason I keep this blog alive. Well, that’s not entirely true.

It’s not for the popularity (obviously because I don’t have any), it’s not for the money or the fame or anything else. For me, this blog is important for two reasons.

The first is that I have a select friend who cares enough about me to read this stuff anyway. It’s kind of like by writing this, I’m talking to him, and whenever I talk to him, my real raw emotions tend to come out. By posting them here, anybody else can have access to and hopefully identify with some of what I feel. It’s a bold statement but I’d just about guarantee that whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone. I’m hoping somebody will see this and realize that we’re all suffering to some extent. Some of us may have it better off but the truth is we’re all locked into our own minds, and we’re all just trying to survive.

You are not alone in the world having panic attacks, or agoraphobia, or social phobia, or OCD, or anything else. There really are people out there who understand and are willing to help. I hope you can do that and don’t have to suffer with what I’ve dealt with lately.

Don’t be ashamed to need help. Being mentally healthy can make or break your life more than a physical illness can. Even if you’re the most capable at whatever you do physically, you’ll never be able to achieve anything if you’re too scared to try. It’s important to get help for these kinds of things. And I hope that people can realize that poor mental health is not necessarily an impossible hurdle to overcome. It only becomes impossible when you let it take hold of you.

Don’t let the fear eat you like it’s eaten me. Please. You can do this. You are a capable, amazing, kind-hearted person. That applies to anyone reading this.

You can make it.

The second (selfish) reason is simply that sharing my experience helps me “deal”. I don’t know why I don’t just keep a paper journal instead of blogging. After all, this kind of thing isn’t really public material, is it? Probably not, but it should be, because too many people suffer in silence with disorders that can be handled more readily than people may think.

I’m trying to encourage people to talk about their problems because it really helps “get things off your chest”. And you may not be nearly as far out as you think. See the Children Full of Life documentary, for example. Fourth grade children are learning empathy and compassion. They’re learning how to identify with other people’s problems. More people need to teach that. More people need to be like that. In a room full of people, chances are you have something in common with at least one of them, You may even become a closer group by virtue of you being less afraid to demonstrate how you really feel. I teared up watching that documentary. It’s a beautiful sign of maturity on the part of the children and the teacher.

If there’s no other listening ear in your life, there’s always a pen and paper. Or sand and a stick, or your voice in an empty room, or a blog (or even skywriting). It’s hard to do, but accept how you feel at the moment and roll with it. Take some deep breaths, maybe close your eyes, and really get to know who you are.

Sorry for that sounding so cheesy, but as one of my favorite high school English teachers wrote in one of my journal entries we had to keep, “it always is when you talk about stuff like this”.


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Whelp, I’m nervous

School starts in 5 days and it is driving me crazy, not that you wanted to know that.

I could go on and on telling you my agoraphobia story and how it’s ruined 6 years of my life but noone wants to hear that do you? I’ve talked about it so much I have a boilerplate file with my story in it actually. That way it’s easier for me to explain it when people ask, I just copypasta it.

I’m just scared of acceptance really. And having to deal with all the “playa-hataz” etc. Science only knows I’ve been pummelled for trying to fit in too much before. Oh well despite that I feel prepared and a bit excited.

I wish I had guts.

In other news, ED still needs donations so pls get yo wallet out and yo money in.

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