Archive for August, 2008

If you’ll nose around my comments a bit, someone by the handle of “laughingyouth” has presented an interesting point.

I got offended at first, but just take a listen (look?)

The problem with teenagers is that they all deal with the same kind problems and fears while being absolutely sure they are the only one feeling that way.

Ring a bell? Maybe ring Big Ben? I thought it was a great quote. Don’t be snobby about it. You aren’t the only one who’s been there or is there or is going there so relish your mistakes and embrace them as they come.

You’re a teenager, everybody deals with it. Take heart, you’re not alone.

The key to confidence is balancing your ego with everyone else’s. I know everybody out there is probably aware of this already, but it’s a new experience for me. You have to remember, I do live under a rock ^^.


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*beep beep beep* Teenage Thunderstorm Warning: The National Weather Service has issued a Severe Teenstorm Warning effective until the end of this entry for the following areas: Everywhere. Teenage rants can produce hellstorms; please be alert to violent emotional showers forecast for the rest of the evening. Gusts of sighing in excess of 50 mph are also possible. Remember to stay indoors away from all windows…

Yes technically with the original spelling of Perestroika it should be ‘ika’ and not ‘kia’ but it sounds far better than the first.

Anyway, where does one draw the line between self-confidence and boisterous egotism? It’s like trying to draw the line with chalk when it’s raining outside.

I’ve had many a problem with this. I’m shy and very introverted. Everybody says “You’re a great person/writer/thinker! Be confident!” but I’m worried I won’t know when to stop. I feel much safer and secure about my decisions when I’m indecisive with myself. That way, people can’t see me for any worse nor can they claim I’m trying to build myself over top of them.

But of course this causes a lot of pain too. If I don’t put myself out there enough, nobody will ever give me a chance. If I’m not confident enough, I’ll come off as a weenie with extra mustard.

This is not to say I don’t feel any pride at all. As a matter of fact I have a multitude of things to be grateful for and happy about. It’s just that people always see them in the wrong way; or rather, I project them the wrong way.

I will admit to being jealous of other people. For instance, one of my friends can write news-quality professional articles in 5 minutes but it takes me a day to squeak out something that isn’t totally informal. He’s great at everything, I’m…not. I suck at everything he can do, and every time I see an advancement I’m happy for him but depressed for me because that’s one more thing in life I suck at.

I’ve had more than once where I’ve envied popularity as well. I don’t really wanna be popular, I just want to not be in the background only known as ‘the smart one smartass’. What’s really awkward is(are?) my…sporty friends. See, to me jocks are the picture of popularity. I know I shouldn’t try to change to be like them but I don’t feel right being myself around them. They like me for who I am, so why am I worrying?

Point (for those of you looking for one): How can I be confident without being too confident? I’ve always been one to overdo stuff, good or bad.

Ok, I know this is mostly a tech blog.. but I need a place to rant.

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You know, before I started studying foreign languages, I wouldn’t give that question much thought. I’d throw out the usual “Language is important because it’s how humans communicate” and get on with it. That, of course, is definitely true, but when I seriously started studying languages, I discovered a more involved answer.

Language, in all its forms – verbal, written, and physical – is not only a way to communicate, but also a way to live the culture where a language is spoken. The problem lies in that people hold strong associations with what exactly a “culture” is, and how it relates to a particular language.

Let’s take Arabic, for example. It can be a fascinating language. But the minute I take one step into being interested in it I get resistance and can hear the echoes of “Terrorist!”, “Anti-American!”, and the like. Russian and Chinese hold connotations of communism, German of Nazis, Japanese of evil kamikaze, Spanish of dirty illegal immigrants.

Though, some of these stereotypes have a certain element of truth to them. Language helps shape a person’s identity. People tend to hold fast to their identifying characteristics. Obviously, not every speaker of every language is conformant to these stereotypes, but some may adhere to them just because it gives them a sense of belonging to their country or to their ethnic group.

And in the context of foreign language learning, one’s personality may be altered, even if only slightly. An interesting phenomenon I’ve noticed since starting Japanese is that I tend to be more humble and find that other people seem more “pushy” than they used to. Exposure to another culture can change one’s inner self, and that’s why one may be unsuccessful at language learning: because, perhaps subconsciously, one is afraid of losing part of the things one identifies with.

Perhaps it isn’t about ignorance or lack of knowledge as much as it is about fear. What if you lose who you are?

I suppose a better question would be, “What if you change who you are?”

So, why is language important? Besides the paramount ability to communicate, given the chance, it can open up completely new worlds. To learn another language does not mean to leave one’s base culture; rather, it enables a process of “reality expansion” to see things from another perspective.

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Well I just found it out like 3 seconds ago.

318 people donated

Some poor, brave soul lumped together $2,500..wow.

I’m glad to see they’re healthy again. Healthy as STD inflicted 4chan memehunting butt-sniffing /b/tards can be anyway. (How’d you like that? 😀 I don’t even know what I’m saying but I learned all about that from ED.. see it can be educational after all!)

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You could probably set this up for Metacity in Gnome and others, it seems like I have before, but I discovered it with Compiz.

You can shade the windows up and down by using the mouse wheel. Simple maybe but I never knew that before. It’s really fun to do on a laptop with the touchpad. Saves me time too because I’ve accidentally shaded it more than enough and it was a pain to get down.

Awesome! 😀

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Whelp, I’m nervous

School starts in 5 days and it is driving me crazy, not that you wanted to know that.

I could go on and on telling you my agoraphobia story and how it’s ruined 6 years of my life but noone wants to hear that do you? I’ve talked about it so much I have a boilerplate file with my story in it actually. That way it’s easier for me to explain it when people ask, I just copypasta it.

I’m just scared of acceptance really. And having to deal with all the “playa-hataz” etc. Science only knows I’ve been pummelled for trying to fit in too much before. Oh well despite that I feel prepared and a bit excited.

I wish I had guts.

In other news, ED still needs donations so pls get yo wallet out and yo money in.

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UPDATE: They’ve apparently reached their donation goal..I’m not sure how they’re working that stuff now. This post is a probably a bit outdated.

From an official ED sysop (DrunkenLazyBastard):

Hey folks, I’m an ED Sysop. I figured I’d give you the low down on what’s happening to set the record straight.

Our current problem with money arose from several factors. First and foremost our previous ad company dropped us because of some of the more risque articles.
In the past it generated enough ad revenue to allow us to more or less break even.
We were forced to switch to a shittier ad company (I’m sure you’ve noticed the annoying ads with sound by now) which hardly pays anything.
Secondly, we were the subject of an extensive denial of service attack which ran up our bills and pissed off our host to the point that they nullrouted our server for a day or so.

The bottom line is GirlVinyl and Joseph Evers (the owners of the site) have been paying a lot of money out of pocket for the last few months to keep the site afloat, and they just are not able to continue funding it on their own.

Hope that clears some things up, if you have any questions you can leave me a note on my ED user talk page.



PS: we use one of the largest 3rd party companies that deals with online purchases, so at no point do we actually see your info. Hey, we may be trolls hackers and other assorted malcontents, but screwing your own user base is a really dumb idea ;)

Also to explain everyone else’s worries over PayPal and such:

PPS: we’re not using paypal because paypal haets us.They don’t do biz with offensive or pornographic sites, a catagory under which we (proudly) fall under.


The reason there’s no news on the ED blog is because the password has been lost and it’s not been retrieved. Once they get it I’m sure it’ll be your one-stop-shop for news.

DONATE to keep it alive! And to keep me from searing your eyes with any more bold text!

Original scare follows…


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